Your enthusiasm for your project and the fashion and styling business leaps off the page. I’m pleased to see that you dove right into your work with Danielle and that she is trusting you to be at her side on the job. I look forward to hearing more about Danielle, your class at
, and your pursuit of fashion knowledge and professional confidence (both good goals). Academy of Art
I think I remember you saying that you did NOT want me to write on you journals. If that is so, I’m sorry. As I was reading your first entry, the writing teacher in me took over and I felt I had to do some editing of you sentences. Your first had several problems with verb tense and wordiness that got in the way of my understanding your story. The writing in your second journal was much clearer; there were only a few punctuation errors and typos. I’d like you to revise and edit your first entry (and second if you want) so that your journal appeals to your readers right from the first page.
Don’t lose the energy in your writing, but be sure you’re sentence get a proper “cleaning, steaming and pressing” before you print out each journal entry. Like so many things in life, writing is also about style and clarity.